Archer White Housed Episode 1 Part 2
by TheBulgarian
Summary: The agents of ISIS find themselves in a predicament as the President has slipped into a diabetic coma, a stranger has left Pam a mysterious note, and Cherly and Gillette have yet to surface in the Nation's capital.


_Scene 5_

_T__he White House Private Quarters_

**Cyril - **Ok – now what?

**Lana -** We need to get in touch with the head of the secret service…Krieger, hand me the encrypted phone, so I can set up a secured line.

**Krieger -** Encrypted phone?

**Lana -** The one that you were supposed to requisition from the armory before we left…like the briefing file explicitly stated!

**Krieger -** Oh I never read those, I usually just wing it. In fact, most of the time I just send a clone to these things.

_-Everyone Stares-_

**Krieger -** Kidding! Or am I? Krieger waves his hands around in the air mockingly

**Lana visibly rattled -** Ok…so…that's a no on the encrypted phone, got it. Archer…what do you think our next move should be? Archer? ARCHER?

**Archer -** WHAT?

**Lana -** what are you doing?

**Archer -** what does it look like I'm doing, I'm trying to find one of mother's hidden booze stashes.

_-Archer shuffling books in a bookcase around-_

_-Lana sighs-_

**Pam -** Holy shit-snacks I almost forgot, Barry was in the press pool today and someone slipped this note to me while I was in the bathroom!

**Lana and Archer -** What? Barry? Odin is here?

**Archer -** Give me the note

-_Archer reads the note -_

**Archer - **Jesus Christ Pam – Barry has to be the one that is meeting us and you couldn't think to tell any of this 30 minutes ago. It's 10:45 right now.

**Pam -** Sorry, I got all pumped up about the Weekend at Bernie's thing. Still am to be honest.

_-Archer crewing a silencer on his pistol- _

**Archer -**Alright, lets go. It says just bring me, so Lana, Pam you stay and guard the president, try to get in contact with the head of the secret service. Cyril come with me and be the lookout… and Krieger

_-Krieger doesn't respond or acknowledge Archer continues to tinker on one of his devices-_

**Archer - **Krieger?

-_No response from Krieger-_

**Archer** \- ...Clone Krieger?

_-Krieger looks up-_

**Archer -** Just don't wander too far off.

**Clone Kreiger - **Okey dokey Arthur.

_-Clone Krieger leaves the room-_

**Archer - **Did he just call me Arthur? Did anyone else hear that? Is that a clone?

**Lana - **What? I don't think so, you probably just misheard him.

**Archer skeptically - **Yeah, you are probably right.

end scene

Scene 6

The Lincoln Memorial

**Archer** \- Hurry up Cyril – god dammit, it's almost 11.

**Cyril** \- panting I'm going as fast as I can, you didn't tell me we would have to run

**Archer** \- chuckling So what – you would remember to bring your magic "I'm in - shape boots"? Jesus Cyril – it was like a mile at most.

**Cyril** \- You know what? I'm done – go do your clandestine meeting without me.

**Archer** \- Oh no Cyril, I need you, I can't do this alone.

**Cyril** \- Really?

**Archer – laughing -** Ha ha ha, no Cyril, of course I can do this without you. Just be on the lookout and let me know if anyone suspicious is coming around.

_-Archer walks up to the Lincoln Memorial-_

**Slater** \- didn't your mother teach you about punctuality Archer?

_-Slater appears from the shadows-_

**Archer -** Slater? What the hell are you doing here?

_End Scene_

_Scene 7_

_At a bar in downtown Washington, D.C._

_-Cheryl absent mindedly lighting matches and throwing them Coooommmee oooon – let's just go sneak in and find the others.-_

_**-**Gillette blows smoke out of his mouth - _

**Gillette** \- What? Sneak into the White House? Are you insane?

**Cheryl nonchalantly** \- Yes

**Gillette sighs** \- The file says to stay here until the head of the Secret Service contacts us.

**Cheryl** \- File? What file?

**Gillette** \- Jesus woman the briefing file, you know the one were supposed to read before the mission?

**Cheryl** \- Oh that? I lit that on fire

**Gillete -** What? Why?

**Carol - **Why not?

_-Gillette sighs and takes a drag of his cigarette-_

**Carol** \- This is boring.

_-Carol turns grabs someone else's cocktail and starts drinking it. The owner turns immediately-_

**Owner** \- Uh excuse me miss – I believe that's my martini.

**Carol** \- No its not – my boyfriend bought it for me.

_-Carol points to Gillette-_

**Gillete** \- What? I'm not your boyfrie –

_-Carol -puts her fingers over Gillete's mouth-_

**Cheryl** \- Shhh sweetie, we talked about this, remember?

_-Owner of the cocktail eyeballs Gillette up and down and immediately pushes past Cheryl-_

**Owner** \- Oh – my mistake. How silly of me, my name is Roderick Thigpen. My friends call me "Rod".

_-Gillette, clearly interested-_

**Gillette -** Well hello _Rod._ My name is Ray…Ray Gillete

**Rod -** Tell me Ray, your accent betrays you, what brings you to our little slice of swamp?

**Gillette -** Well, I'm a journalist for the…uh…ISIS Free Press

_-Rod looks confused and laughs nervously-_

**Gillette -** Yeah – we're based in a small town called Ferlin, West Virginia. I'm here covering the administrations…uh new policy on climate change. We're in the process of re-branding.

**Rod - lustily** \- Ah yes – West Virginia – coal mining country, makes sense. What a coincidence, I happen to be very good friends with Senator Baker, one of the co-sponsors of that particular piece of legislation. Here is my card, why don't you give me a call tomorrow and I'll see if I can get you in for an _exclusive _interview.

**Gillette - fawning** \- Oh well I can't say no to that.

**Carol** \- Um hunny – what about our plans tomorrow? You said you'd take me to see the spot where President Whitemore's wife died after the aliens destroyed the White House.

_-Rod looks confused-_

**Gillette** \- Quiet woman – this is business.

_-Gillette pushes Cheryl out of the way-_

**Gillette** \- Sorry about that – she doesn't get out of Ferlin much.

**Rod -** l**ooks at Cheryl with disdain** \- No problem at all.

_-Rod- looks back at Gillette, smiling-_

**Rod - **It's a date then.

_-Rod exits-_

**Gillette ecstatically** \- Looks like daddy got himself a date with a Washington insider. He was gorgeous, don't you think?

-_Carol is making out with someone at the bar-_

-Gillette sighs and lights up a cigarette- Oh dukes.

**Mysterious man -** Ray Gillette?

_-Gillette blows smoke out-_

**Gillette testily** \- Yeah – who's asking?

**Mason Trachard -** My name is Mason Trachard – head of the Secret Service. Come with me.

end scene


End file.
